Dylan and Mia Farrow Would be Welcome, Believed Speakers at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference

Not that they have been asked that I know of, but coming across the headlines of Dylan Farrow speaking out via a letter to the NY Times about being molested by her adopted father, Wooday Allen, and believed by her adopted mother, Mia Farrow..

.I am sure the Battered Mothers Custody Conference would give them a standing ovation before hearing them validate that 'Dylan says she's been telling the truth'..whereas she has stated Woody Allen has not. It's a major bummer, but believable.

One report I heard on the news said 'the statute of limitations has run out' but I don't think that is the case per se. In CT as far as I have heard, the age to report is much older...I think age 48 (30 years after turning 18 if the abuse happened before age 18.) The point that there would 'not be enough evidence' to bring a solid case against Woody Allen is likely what the stumbling block to justice is.

Meanwhile when I think of the names, Mia (sounds a bit like MIA, as in Missing In Action..which Mia was not..but maybe too many other celebrities and family and friends were..as was much of our culture at that time (late 1980s, early 1990s.)

Woody Allen says he's had financial set-backs so that he's like a regular civilian.Then there's the whole strange 'marriage to his adopted daughter, at age 22..and who knows how much earlier he may have interacted with her along a romantic line.

He may have been 'grooming her' since she was much younger, knowing he could find a way to get her to trust him and then become physically involved with her. I only heard now that they have adopted two children and hopefully they are being monitored for any signs of violation. What is strange is that no matter how public many actors or other famous people are, there is no more intervention and support for the family members to be safe and secure.

The way the adopted brother Moses (again, interesting choice of names here in the mix to think through various angles of this topic and this family's experience...

Moses being a patirarchal name and in this case figure to rescue his deeply troubled father whose acted like a rebellious teen behind Mom Mia's back. For Moses who is a counselor to deny Dylan's telling of her experiences is almost as bad as others in more adult roles outside of the family.

The schism is cutting deep and leaving a permanent scar, as perhaps it must at this time to create a safe boundary for Dylan and others in the family who want to deal with The Truth as the victim, in this case Dylan who was only 7 and shares online in small part that it was frequent and done iin attic..and is damaging to her even twenty years later. That's not sounding like a fluke or made up version of reality.

The overall tactic of saying that Mia Farrow brainwashed Dyaln to say these things and stay consistent is far-fetched but likely seemed to Woody whatshisname...that it was his ohly way to 'throw enough doubt on the situation' as to get away not only with his irrational, cruel deeds but with not having to pay even more of his funds in a lawsuit if he lost.

These tactics are no fluke, especially in CT. That's what the BMCC, Battered Mothers Custody Conference describes so more of the public who will take time to comprehend the travesty that  almost 60K Mothers and their children face Every (Stinkin') Year for decades. It's bad, dismal, and declining as we speak.

The confusing reasons for why this can be has to do with...not Mommies but Monies! There is a huge funding stream for fathers and any father will do.

This delicate topic should not be put through the paces like a WWE show with choreographed carnage..but go to family court and you will 'see it all.' It's so poorly orchestrated to give protective mothers and their children a 'head start' or even a fair chance to get out of dodge from abusive Dads.

.the sad refrain heard by many victims is 'You are Going Down... it can be quick and not too expensive or slow and very costly..but in the end..we (the Dads and their cohorts in courts but also family and friends who get 'something' ( work, social repoire, continued school friendship or other connection) from him.

They can't always qualify it, but their second criteria when it comes to personal matters involving Him is 'we don't want to get involved'..so once again, Mom whose being abused, you are not only going to find yourself Alone but largely Abandoned. It's Just How These Things are done, especially in New England..where people would tather not get too mired in one another's personal affairs..even if you are asking for help forever and a day.

The refrain from not only the abuser but the community at large is often a resounding, ever-present, "We can't hear you." Mainly that means 'we won't hear you, don't have to hear you and wouldn't if we could hear you..do you Hear That?"

So the natural next question would be why do they Do that? Lundy Bancroft wrote Why does he Do that? The reasons people support a bully or abuser are important to key into..in another post since it's Very Late...so stay tuned and don't give up hope..

We can find a better way to help the abusers and the victims and hopefully prevent more predictable misery from harming our children and others..moms and dads, teachers, family and friends. We can and will do batter... one day at at ime, one brave soul at a time and ideally with much forgiveness and healing for all to reach a 'new normal'.

See some of the other guidelines and it's okay to maintain boundaries to stay safe even life long. That can be challenging and hopefully everyone would get support and clarity on their options early on in life, often and always with support so never speaking or interacting with the abuser alone (but only through a third party as may be appropriate with a counselor etc whose got the right training help one pace any efforts along those lines.) See the other postsfor more ideas along the lines of Crafting Clear Safety PLANS for life, school, work and in general and over a healhty lifetime.