Lighting a Candle for For the Late Jaevon Whyte of Hartford CT, A Young Man With Much to Teach US-All on the Fourth of July 2018
Very sad situation.. Jaevon Whyte, age 17 almost, passed away in the pool of Keney Park in Hartford CT. While he and two friends at least 2 others and as many as 20 trespassed over high fences, he somehow drowned without his friends realizing it.
That may have been at 9pm with a large group of friends or just a pair of others If a large group was there and they thought the police were coming, that could explain some chaos that may have contributed to Jaevon struggling if he took in some water or if he stepped into a deeper part of the pool since he couldn't swim. Maybe he was near the side of the pool yet moved back if others were getting out and slipped backwards, and took in water without a way to effectively recover.
Or it may have happened after midnight that they left the pool thnen saw he was not with them or arriving shortly after. They called 911 and returned to the pool at 2am to find him at the bottom They called for help again. The deceased was the only one in the pool. The 911 operator had told the callers not to go in the pool.
Many ideas can be shared as we all think about These Kinds of Situations. Let's take a moment collectively as a nation as this happened on the cusp of the Fourth of July..and appreciate that this young man may have incarnated and shared his precious life in special ways for almost 17 years (after his birth) to touch our lives in a meaningful way as well as that of his family, friends and closer community. Jaevon's birthday would have been next week. We could all find a youth to treat to something positive, maybe invite to a family picnic or hire to do a few chores, help then see a play or other cultural or sporting event.
I will celebrate Jaevon's life as I remember my own father's birthdate as well on July 11th. My Dad Dale Palmer, Sr. lived to be almost 85 and had been on a Coast Guard ship for three years during WWII. I point out that miracle of him getting safely out just before his ship likely sank on a voyage in icy waters. Our teen son Kaelan Palmer Paton did not get that kind of miracle, but there was some in the midst of the high struggles with whitewater that he faced with friends on their last day of their freshman year of high school in one of the smallest towns in Connecticut.
Jaevon Whyte can be teaching us for years to come, everything from swimming and taking heed of safety on many fronts and inspiring adults to have their own 'safety double check systems.' Assumptions and excuses are too readily 'the reason given' for things that more regular people could help clarify.
If important safety monitoring equipment is not working, a sign should indicate that. If possible, volunteers could monitor the actions of youth or others 'wanting to bend or break the rules.' Ideally there Could Be Lifeguards and other support people on duty at ALL TIMES at the whopping FOUR POOLS in Hartford CT. They may not need to be paid, the could be volunteers.
This summer that would be particularly appropriate in light of what Jaevon Whyte and his friends experienced. The wider community response could likely raise funds to pay people to take on the extra shifts right up until midnight, for instance...(and some nights right on through if there is a need or interest.
There are millions of people in the city after all and some may work the night shift and sleep all day. Maybe on their night off they'd want to go for a swim. Temporary housing could allow for a number of responsible adults (and even more security cameras) to monitor the pool.
On stormy days there likely wouldn't be much action or even on colder days. Assumptions and excuses are too readily 'the reason given' for things that more regular people could help clarify.
The security camera was connected to a modem apparently that was not working due to the heat in the past two weeks. The pool opened only on July 2, 2018. (All of this information is what I have heard on television or seen on the internet, so please keep that in mind. I am trying to think the matter through to understand what transpired and consider what might prevent such tragedies from happening again.)
At least one woman was said to think it would be happening again, at least youth or others breaking in to use a pool to cool off or otherwise do what they want to do. Hopefully in Jaevon's honor and that of his family, they will not do so. I and likely many people and supervisors and even responders thank them in advance.
Assumptions and excuses in the aftermath of difficult turns of events are often too readily 'the reason given' for things that more regular people could help clarify. People will often 'blame the victims and their parents' as a way to self-protect and deny that 'it could happen to them.' That is a form of cognitive dissonance and denial.
We are in CT not Florida so surely we could come up with some good solutions for a few warm months of the year. People could actually live there possibly as caretakers of the pool.
Whatever can be done for the families and friends should be shared with the wider online and national communities to help 'spread the words to put down the swords of despair, fear and uncertainty.
Meanwhile from now on, unless responsible parents and other community guidelines recommend something or give permission, the answer needs to be 'No, don't go or don't do that." Minors and others need to appreciate the many times 'teens and young adults' suffer from 'wild chances', some more wild than others but clearly too many mishaps.
That said, some ideas from Mark Anthony and others with a psychic gift or insights from Edgar Cayce suggest we are all living in ways that we agreed to before we got here and are having many important opportunities for learning and connecting.
How we pass, short of ending our own lives intentionally--and maybe even then but many debate that with longheld or even newer insights, are likely not as random as it may seem.Some TEDx Talks I saw today speak to the peacefulness most experience in a near death experience, or NDE. Afterward, many are more empathic, less worried about material things and do not have much of a fear of dying or death.
I have studied these topics as I can for a couple of decades and hope we can have think tanks in every state to 'deal with the topic and reality of death and dying, beforehand and afterward.' End of Life Doulas, which I have trained to be after the passing our teen son and others who were older, is a growing field that will work alongside hospice.
We need a focus group to help people going through the sudden kinds of loss and injury or other turns of events (even divorces, separation, custody and so on.) Along those lines I have been exploring what I've learned, much of it very important and progressive, on livfully.org
May Jaevon Whyte's family find peace in knowing their son is now moving the hearts of millions likely to appreciate this day of our country's opportunities and find ways not to take those for granted as well as to encourage everyone in their state to live more respectfully and yes, safely. Peace, love and light...and may the summer still be a time of enjoying life even with it being the time of his earthly exit to the next realm.
Our late son Kaelan Paton's service is on youtube in short parts and may bring some measure of comfort to this other group of youths. Please each one be strong and live well to remember Javon and be brave to live with more care as I hope the friends of our son have done, without self-blame but not forgetting him either as they welcome each new decade.I hope to start a more formal outreach soon and likely we could all join together in our efforts.
Other factors that need to be reviewed are to set protocols in place if there is broken security equipment. Whose responsibility is it to notify the police, publie or other interested parties of the lack of functioning equipment. Could there be a secondary system in place and as mentioned more of a 'manned station' so any concerns could be addressed immediately. Someone from CT was in Florida and heard someone calling for help a yard or two away. That young man sped to rescue a child from the bottom of a pool.
Basically every moment counts and 'all eyes should be on the pool' as much as possible, watching anyone in one's care or others who may be at risk. I happened to realize twice that 'someone swimming with their head down' couldn't really swim like that and alerted people to rescue them. One was at a town pool (an elderly woman and a young child who each took in a mouthful of water only to realize they could not lift their head up.) Thankfully they both were okay.
Another time two swimmers went under since one who couldn't swim grabbed onto one who barely could and both sank fairly deep before the single guard on duty could get to them. He was able to dive and get them both out. That was years ago, but everyday there are plenty of 'close calls'.
Maybe a child wanders over to where there's a foot or two of water in a display and falls in without being able to come back up (yes that happened to someone long ago..and thankfully the Mom figured it out and got him out in time.) We have to all of us BE READY for any kind of emergency. Someone choking, someone 'joking that they are drowning..but woops, they aren't' (sadly that story I heard resulted in the youth not being saved.) We need to make water and overall safety a shared public education program. Many key areas are 'not covered in school' and frankly many youth do not get to school enough or do well enough to learn what is taught. That is why a community wide effort could be made.
Another key set of points to consider in this situation was if youth left in a hurry because police were thought to be coming. Might that have factored into why this youth drowned? Likely he was taking precautions because he could not swim well if at all, but with a sudden turn of events, he may have stepped 'into a deeper part' without thinking or may have gulped water for any number of reasons.
For his friends to leave in a panic and think he was behind them is almost understandable when there have been too many concerns about police interventions, particularly with young African American males which was one characteristic of Javon. I am realizing the similar sound of his name to Trayvon. I also happen to be thinking of a special mother, Trenelle Gabay, who is due with her child at this time.
The late father, Carey Gabay, passed after being caught in gun violence during a West Indian Festival Weekend a few years ago. If one is wondering how it could be that he is the farher of a baby boy arriving at the time of our country's Independence, well. 'more than we know is possible' and yes there was a chance for him to be a biological donor. I am including this set of events, a loss and an unexpected yet incredible gift from that loss to encourage all of us to think of the bigger picture of our shared experiences.
We are all on a journey. The lessons we can learn sometimes come 'hard and fast' but hopefully we will make the time to think things through with care and tending to any 'broken fences, cameras, guidelines and hearts.' We need to lean into these strange turns of events, fraught with loss and deep emotion, and find some healing messages for all involved to be strong and seek a better path. That would include the idea of 'police policies for finding youth or others in a pool' etc. What would be the consequences? Hopefully not more than a fine or a warning. Unfortunately we had a small group of youth out a bit late in our small towns.
They started a fire with some papers and the wind blew some of the burning papers onto a historic building that had been restored. The Worst happened for the building and eventually the youth, who had run in fear, did some time in a low security facility. What if they had been willing to call 9-1-1 from a telephone that was there at the time (the pay phones of yesteryear?) I invite the family and friends to visit the Canaan Depot Station in North Canaan CT to see what's taken years to rebuild. Feel free to come to the Falls Village CT Car Show this Sunday, July 8th as well. I will have a Community Networking Booth.
The kinds of ideas and connections I hope to create can catch on for more communities (and some are explored on other posts on this blog.) Thank you one and all for braving this difficult set of events and being open to consider ways to provide caring responses, practical and hopeful. Another friend I didn't know that well but overall had many wonderful people in common with, chose to 'end his life on his own terms' in light of a serious medical condition. He also passed with water, and had a lifetime of helping others as a minister.
Sometimes we don't know the depths of another's struggles so let's not lose sight of the many factors anyone could face whether due to physical or mental health or relationship, finance or other concerns. That's where there is plenty for everyone to do not only alone but ideally with a team of support. Donations to Trenelle Gabay's son or foundation are welcome as are more to the family of Jaevon Whyte. Thank you in advance for being 'part of the solution' and keeping an eye on the greater love and learning that we are all invited to pursue, whatever our faith and beliefs. Peace and light...
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