Lighting A Memorial Candle for Heroic Police Officer Alec Iurati, and Late Officers Alex Hamzy and Dustin DeMonte of Bristol CT Police Dept.

 With all due respect to the families and friends as well as the many police officers and others connected to this tragic turn of events in Connecticut, I am trying to piece together what happened as well as feel the reality of the waves of difficulty, concern and mounting grief when thinking about the danger and loss of two amazing and dedicated people and what it means for so many.

Whenever such a turn of events arises, having some spokespeople to bridge the gaps between those closest to the situation and their families and the media could show more respect for the sorrow and pressure people are experiencing. Unfortunately, newspeople and others showing up and insisting on invading the privacy of those close to victims can seem another level of violation.

We can do better and hopefully exploring here will not add to that sense of 'too much' too soon. There is a lot to ponder and offer support about with anyone's conflict or challenge. Hopefully with early warning systems and extensive networks (and ongoing creative caring responses, we can improve efforts and outcomes on many levels whether people are in a  home, business, on the road or travelling, school, workplace, faith, sports, or military or other training program.

 I discuss those kinds of issues along with seasonal events and other topics on this blog Livfully.org. I am trying to help create a meaningful sounding board and grapevine, even asking 'What If things went one way or another' and "How might we be more pro-active in our planning and responses on many levels?"

Requests for information and other ideas could be put in an email or on a page to help people be aware of things but trying to speak directly to people who have not been given the time they need to process or to allow the family and others support to offer statements on their own terms, including a desire for privacy and a denial for interviews and such would be reasonable and helpful.

The outpouring of love and support is much appreciated I'm sure by all of the families and friends and communities even statewide as many have been moved around the country and beyond to stand with CT in this dark hour. Hopefully the meaning will not be lost in terms of helping to prevent problems and patterns of danger and discontent from building up in any personal interactions and with police or other agency involvement.

Human beings are social beings and clearly filled with many emotions, motives and reactions as well as more considerate responses. Some resources on wtnh.com , gma.com and other programs are discussing the difference between trauma and grief such as shared by psychologist Dr. Laura Saunders. 

More mental health coaching and support to address any concern (even with online help as some places offer on youtube or other sites if one has access and is aware and tuned in with time to take in the messages.) Maybe a listing of the 'If this kind of trouble, then 'here are some quick tips' advice and resources would be helpful along with phone support.

The number for mental health crisis or suicide prevention  to call or text is 988, and more support is available for a crisis team for youth or others through 211.org. Having more advocates for businesses, healthcare facilities and schools would be a reasonable next step to help empower people.

There are also Emergency Rooms or Stabilization Centers in each state for 24/7 phone support and many with a physical location to visit to address many concerns. Same goes for getting help via 211 calls or online help or in NYC that's calling 311 or 311.org

We all need to 'think smarter not only with manpower and timely responses but with as much information as possible.' The Gift of Fear (and for Teens) helps people trust their instincts and to plan to live, drive and relate to others in safe, sensible ways.

I hope everyone is finding ways to do more of that and not let conflicts (which may represent a blood sugar, blood pressure, depression or substance use problem, or other unknown medical problem such as a UTI (urinary tract infection) or other metabolic issue with a liver, thyroid or other imbalance that can affect one's mood or personality. Then there are just grudges, feuds and rumors or other challenges to try not have 'feed the fires of animosity.'

For strangers to be volatile, hostile and dangerous or deadly really doesn't 'make much sense' and again is alarming because the odds can seem to go up that something out of the blue could escalate or result in violence, injury or death. That doesn't help with a sense of control and calm. Whether a prior interaction with police or other conflict arose to factor into the loss of the two Bristol police, more advocacy to research who someone is on social media such as Facebook and their friends could help better prepare a safer response and outcome.

Apparently the shooter  Nicholas Bruchter had FB posts of guns and shots of him flaunting them in questionable way (such as pointing straight ahead.) If megaphones had been used with a tactical team  and drones to look for the chance people were outdoors, that could have helped. Asking each person to report to the police station or another place set up to interview people and understand a situation would be helpful as well to deter or distance people from an escalation.

De-escalating situations is a theme I have been exploring even in benign areas such as a homecare or work settings with clarification of violations among employees or mistreating a client, but also pointing out that a client or patient may become confused, belligerent or troubled due to a medical condition that can change due to lack of sodium/ potassium or blood sugar, fluid intake or output or blood pressure balance or other medical reasons.

Being emotionally distressed is also another possible symptom to have a medical check or any disorderd thinking, paranoia or reaction to medication (that could affect the GI tract such as constipation or diarrhea that can be linked to other concerns.) There are more reasons than not to consult with mental health and medical personnel, possibly with an in-house psych evaluation. More information is shared about these matters on nami.org and Alz.org (for early dementia or respite care for those caring for people with dementia.)

The number of people driving who do not have the appropriate skills for highways or challenging roads (if not in general) or doing so with poor night vision or other stresses is something a community could also address through extensive outreach and making helpful suggestions to families and groups who can help screen people and develop a team approach over time to making sure people understand their risks, options and ways to have ongoing help and advocates. CT was deemed to have some of the least safe drivers or conditions, according to a recent news report, so clearly there is room for improvement. If concerning drivers can be reported to police perhaps a wellness check could follow to see if the person has the appropriate skills and support whether due to going too fast or too slow.

Tuning into the sense of civility as a win-win can be promoted by every state and community, and in NYC there are thousands of additional speeding ticket cameras being used to help people choose to follow the speed limit or pay the price. That can be a challenge if other drivers are speeding or driving recklessly which is something I saw on a relatively quiet section of Rt South from Winsted to Bristol on 10/19/21. One elderly fellow with a another male passenger in a dark small pick up truck (and yes I have the license and hope to follow up) was going 50 in a 65 mph section with every car passing him except me. I wanted to give people 'more warning' and monitor if this felllow seemed to know what he was doing. A large  cab white 18 wheeler  was coming up a ramp to join in at a rather fast speed and the pickup driver did not speed up even a mile or two.

I was lucky to make it ahead even having blown my horn to alert the driver ahead of me to no avail, before the huge white truck pulled in right behind me and then quickly shifted to the fast lane to the left when there was an opening. I wish now I had passed the truck and had felt that inner nudge to do so but in that sense of 'caring a lot about others' stayed the course. Unfortunately even cars in the left lane who could have slowed down did not do so, whether not paying attention or not wanting to disturb the flow. It was a group moment that more people should think on, especially truck drivers but also people in all lanes and passengers who can be a helpful 'second set of eyes and help check any concerns around exits and entries onto the highway. Take a birds eye view and try to see the whole situation. That is called Situational Awareness. Now back to the post about the needless and tragic police fatalities in Bristol CT and the growing concern about what happened and the sympathy for all involved facing such violence.

We can all only do so much, but trust that we are all together in sharing this challenge and seek healing for everyone to emerge stronger and more compassionate, more capable and careful as the days march on, especially as many thousands will be prioritizing the funeral for these fallen heroes on Friday, October 21st before noon and as the day unfolds. People who are attending that gathering are asked to arrive by 8:30pm and the shared funeral begins formally at 11am.

I am thinking about everyone in the circles of the three CT police who are being honored for their courageous work and lifetime of achievement. Unfortunately the response to a 9-1-1 call  made by the brothers Nathan and Nicholas Brutcher resulted in unfounded shooting and the loss of lives of both Sargeant Alex Hamzy and Lieutenant Dustin Demonte. Their ranks were raised posthumously for their heroic acts.

While Alec Iurato was shot he was able to reposition himself near a cruiser and was thankfully able to 'stop the madness'. by firing a single shot at the shooter. Unfortunately it was the only way for him to address the crisis and resulted in a lethal shot. Who knows what would have come next if he hadn't been able to stop the shooter, 35-year-old Nicholas Brutcher? 

If the brothers were under the influence that might help more people 'think twice' if there's any chance of harming someone when 'not themselves' due to drugs or difficulties.According to online news reports, Nathan and Nicholas were seen in footage of a security camera walking toward Bleachers Bar a mile from Redstone Hill where they lured officers with the emergency call, a domestic incident at 10:29pm about an hour and a half after Nicholas had been involved with police at Bleachers at 8:52pm.

There are not details yet on what occurred there. The same police were not the ones responding to the 911 call. While Nathan was told to come outside by police, Nicholas shot the officers from behind. While Officer Iurati was hit, he was able and justified, according to his body camera footage,  in using deadly force when he was able to fire a round after the other two police were hit multiple times by the gunman Nicholas Bruchter. The shocking news shared initially is still alarming and heartbreaking. Hopefully with more time a more clear picture of the events can be made, but overall the loss was senseless and devastating by many accounts...and so needless.

The overall show of support has been strong since the tragic turn of events late Wednesday, October 12th, 2022. While the media coverage can be hard for many in the family and others when considering the impact of this kind of loss and the risk people face in the protective fields but also as citizens, most people seem respectful and to be wanting to show their care and commitment.

The dozens of beautiful flower arrangements that have covered police cruisers and which formally lined the pathway of a large pleasant  room at The Lyceum today was another sign of respect. Many people streamed through to pay their respect to the family and close friends gathered near the casket in which Alex Hamzy was laid to rest at the far end of the room. A slide show of large images of a vibrant admirable Alex with family and friends enjoying life was shared on the wall above the casket which was draped with an American flag.

Even the school bus rides to and from the fair grounds to the Lyceum on the quiet main street with a heavy police presence and a fire truck parked across the street in front of a church wasa special part of the experience I shared today along with hundreds of others. There is a private gathering on Thursday in North Haven for Dustin DeMonte's family and others they invite.

Then on Friday, October 21st at 11am there will be a shared final service at Pratt and Whitney's  Rentschler Field at 615 Silver Lane in East Hartford. May the spirits of these two men now rest in peace and be remembered by all during the day with a few moments or more of focused reflection...and in other ways as they can do so in how life is lived and others treated as well with dignity and respect.

Here is a note I wrote for one friend who knew Alex closely...and I share it here to help others who may have their own struggles or want to show their respect in a way that may help more people find their way through hard times...and to keep each other in our prayers.