'We All Have Loved Ones Gone to Glory"(as a folk song goes) and keep their love and memory in our hearts...a time of sharing for any season of the year and of life

These are some emails I shared with my large family and some friends after the unfolding of events which claimed the mortal life of our teen son Kaelan in June 2009. I am sharing them now as a way to extend the circle of care to others who may appreciate reflecting on these experiences and finding some measure of comfort around other passings. In our family, our parents, Dale and Mary (Coury)Palmer Srs. as well as Sandy (Charles Alexander) Paton who were Kaelan's earthly grandparents are also in spirit. Other relatives he had known as well as friends have also passed since then.

 

There is more about Kaelan's passing on Remembering Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton, online in the news coverage in the Lakeville Journal and on youtube on his Memorial Service and his Facebook Page which I've mostly kept going with posts about events and reflections I've had since his 16 earthly years wrapped up without much warning in the tri-corner area of CT, NY and MA at the Housatonic River.Many dozens of people have shared their own stories of people who have died young, suddenly or in strange circumstances.

 

The steady stream of people responding to our challenging loss with more tales of woe tugged at my heart and helped me understand there is a lot more sharing to do along these lines. More meaning and outreach could prove a healing balm for such calamities. I had also been touched by a dozen or more people 'close to my life and circles' whether personal friends, people I met at events or more famous people going through the days that turned to night all of the sudden when someone took flight from their lives. The similarities of living through challenging relationships or being separated from loved ones for 'no reason' also seemed an important issue to explore and glean insight into for the greater good.

 

That quest led me to attend more programs and meet still more caring but often broken people..many of whom took on courageous roles of advocacy for themselves and others. These posts are more about the delicate steps and assurances coming to me over the months and early years of the challenge of all challenges in my life up to that point...losing our only son who was our second-born healthy wonderful child after three challenging miscarriages (mostly early on but still difficult and somewhat complicated.) I count five spiritual children along with the four that came to us in full form with much vitality. I would tell Kaelan he likely had a brother or two in heaven, now he likely could tell me what's what..and 'whose who'.

 

One or more psychics have shared in their books and more personally with me that 'they are all together" and are doing well. The messages also include the sentiment that our loved ones in spirit want us to do well in life, and to know they care about us in various ways...It's still a mystery but seeming like a healing way to continue life's journey for me, allowing for more blessings and lessons to dawn on me or come via the greater realm in which we all dwell. 

 

I'll use this to put some of the notes from folks on. This photo is one that I feel I've seen 'come to life' in that I was dropping off a flyer of Kaelan at his old school. A crow was on a telephone wire, and flew over my head then up to another part of the wire, facing the way the bird is in this picture. That brought the picture to mind, then as I looked another moment at the crow against the blue sky, I saw a heron up above..I take the wordplay of heron and link it with Kaelan, since I had some 'reveries' of him soaring on a heron, and even me and the kids and their Dad each pairing up to bid him adieu in the skies on our own giant herons.

 

When I was watching Juli and her Dad in a Covered Bridge Slalom Race this past summer, I saw a heron fly up toward the bridge. I've caught sitings of them often since about the spring before Kaelan passed over. I felt the message of the first few were to stand tall and take flight--to go where I needed to go (actually, that was at least a year before he died when I went to a nature gathering up in High Falls, which led to me studying permaculture with cool people for six other weekends.).

 

 Then at a movement therapist's home up by the Housy in Mass, I saw a heron swoop down, do it's quiet standing and looking in the water--which I'd once watched at Audubon as well, imagining classical music playing and as a natural celebration of the good life, the Sabbath, and such.). So in the small section of the MA Housy, I saw the heron alight and head down the river with graceful strokes of its wings, and said to myself, I have to think of getting to where I want to go like that, just up and do it, not worry about the drive or details.

 

 I saw a heron fly over a mountain at the Sharon Soccer fields,just up and over, it's light color against the darker mountain. no climbing for that puppy. I would like to put a sign with that image, the heron scaling the mountain and kids  playing soccer in below as a memory at the field..I have thought of it, but need time to do it...same with the idea of mention of safety and not swimming at the Housy without proper guidance, and the right conditions (if such is possible..) which some suggested, perhaps with kids posed about to go swimming and recounting Kaelan's story and save, but also his loss....(and ours as well)...

 

I also thought of a big bear being on the healing team to think of after Kaelan's passing, and even before for healing in general..the images I got were that the bear could just scoop Kaelan out safely if he was stuck, and that if it were the case it was his time to go, that we'd have time to gather with him resting on the riverbank, talking to him, telling him our farewells, then letting him go on the bear's back down the river, knowing as a song I've heard by 'Sarah Guthrie' (at first down in NC about 7 years ago and then last year in person again up in Grt Barrington at the Guthrie Center) that 'One of these days, I'm gonna find the river and maybe I go down...". It's a haunting melody, and she knew about Kaelan before singing it to the small crowd there, which happened to include one of our counselors who Kaelan had met with a couple times...The 'connections' are many and varied, and thankfully, often healing and hopefully can become more 'wisdom-giving'...

 

So, I will include a few of the notes from the book now--Thanks always for all you do, share, dream, consider and question and hope for in peace...Catherine

 

-Notes from friends, family, community members at Kaelan's service July 12th, 2009 at Sharon Center School, which is on youtube also in segments.

 

--We hope and know that one day somehow your grief will fade, but  your love and memories of Kaelan will never leave you, All our love...

 

--Our Thoughts and Prayers are with you with blessings of peace, love, health, harmony, joy and courage..

 

--Our thoughts are with the whole family--Kaelan was such a hero and will inspire many others for a long time to come...

 

--You are in our prayers

 

--With love and blessings..

--I'm so sorry. Kaelan was a great kid.

 

--We are all with you and your family in your sorrow.

 

_--You are all in our thoughts and prayers.

 

--We think of you all so often although you don't really know us well. K was one of the first boys to reach out to our son at the high school. K will be missed. Be strong, and love forever!

 

--Keep him in your heart and he will always be with you.

 

--I love kaelan

 

----Much love and good thoughts to all the Patons

 

--All our love to th ePaton family from old time friends.

 

--Love to all

 

--"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted."

 

--Love to all

 

--God Bless, Love to all

 

--Kaelan, you have your wings. You are a hero and a teacher. Continue to bless us with assurance that you are being taken care of. You are brave.

 

--Our thoughts are with you.

 

--Much love from us, you're in our thoughts

 

--We love your family and are always with you

 

--God bless you all. Your coruage and Kaelan's is an inspiration to us all. You are in our hearts.

 

--Our thoughts are with you. We know what you are going through! 

 

--We love you all, we think of you often. God Bless You.

 

--Our thoughts and prayers are with you and we are so deeply sorry for this terrible loss. Kaelan was truly a wonderful and inspirational boy.

 

--Our love, thoughts and prayers are with your entire beautiful family. We celebrate Kaelan's short, heroic life.

 

--Thank you for allowing us all to share in the memory of your beautiful son.

 

--No greater love is there than to lay down one's life for one's friend'.

 

----The worth of a life is how many people's lives are made better by one's passing through--It is obvious that Kaelan packed more worth into 16 years than most people do in 4 decades. God Bless..

 

--A man's character is judged by how he acts in times of great crisis, Kealan's character was of the highest quality. He will be missed.

 

--May the Good Lord bless Kaelan forever and ever.

 

--Kaelan helped to save our son and we will forever be grateful.(note--Kaelan saved two others in addition to his friend he dove in for).

 

--The Master of the Sheepfold's calling softly, softly, calling, "Come in, come in."

 

--Kealan brought humor, skill and intelligence to class everday, but it is the example that he set with his kindness that I will always remember.

 

--I spoke with Kaelan for the first time on the morning of his last day, how odd that  that happened, and now he will be with me forever.

 

--I am not able to give words to what I'm feeling as a parent and friend. I'm so sorry for what happened...just know that you in my thoughts and prayers..love...

 

--We want to thank you for allowing us to be part of Kaelan's life. He will always be in our hearts forever.

 

--May God bless you all. I will always think of Kaelan as one of the bravest heroes I know! his loving memory will live on always.

 

--praying for the truth of Jesus to heal you

 

--The Covered Bridge Slalom, children playing together among the boats in the little field along the river, in the past and future

 

--We wish your family the best.Carry on in Kaelan's name.

 

--As I watched Kaelan grow along with the rest of his class, I will miss his smiles and loving nature. I will remember him forever.

 

--Kaelan was such a great boy. ..He helped me with my younges son if he fussed on the way to school in the morning. he will be truly missed in more ways than one can imagine.

 

--Dearest Kealan, Although I never met you I consider it a great honor to dance for your family,(and you watching from beyond) at your memorial service. God bless you on your journey and thank you for being so courageous to try and help your friend.

 

--May you find peace in this dark time. I love you all.

 

--Peace, love and prayers

 

--Thank you for bringing us together to share our grief and our joy.

 

--Thank you for the blessing of Kaelan in my life. I will forever remember him as a 5-yr old in kindergarten Sunday school. He brightened the room with the twinkle in his eyes and the smile from ear to ear. His tender heart and gentleness were evident then! You did a find job!

 

--What a special soul you had in your lives. May his memories be around you always.

 

--Peace, prayers, and love to all of you.

 

--Kaelan will always be remembered and we love him very much.

 

--Kaelan is a very special person. He is a hero to me adn everyone. I will miss him everyday until my time comes. He is a hero also because he saved me when my life was on the line (another time after school) abd I wish I could see him now for one last time. He is a really great kid!

 

--You know how much you meant to me. I know how much you inspired me.

 

--To my first, best friend at Housatonic, I miss you, Kaelan.

 

--I am here for you however you need, wherever your heart steps, I am in step with you in your sorrow and in your love. May Kaeli always dance among the Palmers and the Patons and friends. PS I brought you daisies and herbs as asked.

 

--Kaelan Alexander Paton, you are a hero and will miss you.

 

--Kaelan, love ya babe

 

--Kaelan, We love you so and I miss you many times a day when I'm up here, remembering all the things we enjoyed doing together. You are still with me--always..Love ya and see ya (from two folks close to him)

 

----Kaelan, When I first met you, you were climbing a tree. I watched you grow up, you were a friend to me. Now your spirit is soaring free up with the angels so heavenly. Love to all the Patons

 

 

So, I will do more of the rest another time. I have another fifty or so, some from other workshops where I got encouragement to feel, heal and carry on with his memories and connection..as each in our family and friends are able to do hopefully in the midst of the real-world needs and life...Thanks for being part of the group experience and the keepers of the Kaelan's and many other loved one's legacies...with love, Catherine

 

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