When It's Hard to Disclose a Topic. Maybe it's best Not to do so to Authorities.. but Good to Get Support. A Mixed Messge? Kind of...

Tough topic to talk about or learn about..but worse for everyone if people are kept in the dark. Actually the idea of pressing charges as Senator Markey from NY and many others are seeking for adult survivors of sexual abuse as a minor or disclosing is one that needs a lot more reflection to help victims heal and abusers not repeat.

Likely they were harmed as youth (maybe not even old enough to remember) or got warped by our culture even if not abused or from good families (for the most part.)

If they get prosecuted and imprisoned, they like many prisoners will be put through the mill and abused themselves. How can we slow and halt such a vicious cycle that then releases 'even worse' offenderd out into society. Many of them have major lifelong deficits so ideally more could be done early on in the school-to-prison pipeline many have identified as the crux of the problem.

Maybe cut out more violent media or offer more wrap-around helpful programs for all minors from infancy to keep people in safer social situaions and with all basic needs for food, shelter and care met, realizing the horrendous cost of falling short on basics. Poverty is linked to poor school performance and crime and thus prison.

It's a cycle not easily broken but more are saying the prisons are too ineffective and costly to keep pouring money into at the rate we are doing so many are likely to release huge sections anyway. I wrote a post about this a year ago when her efforts were in the news.

It's not the parents fault or caregivers, teachers or coaches, if people do not follow or understand what was taught in hopefully fair-minded ways. Too much discipline and structure can be another reason people get into drugs or carve out some area of 'going off base'.

Mental health and substance abuse along with cultural and social pressures and such can all factor into someone's worldview and behaviors.

The secrecy and struggle the lack of understanding of human development in males and females (which can vary not only between the genders but also among those of the same gender and over the life span.) The new ideas that we are all shifting into a greater awareness about who we are as spiritual or energetic beings not only physical beings is being discussed.

Some of the ideas echo other systems of being able to be free and clear, forgiven and helped by a higher power (G-d, Spirit, Creator, Holy Spirit, Jesus and an array of other healers and spiritual helpers, not to start any arguments...and it is rather sad to think of how many wars and fights in homes and areas emerge over such conflicts).

"One day at a time" wisdom can remind US-All that we are only 'ourselves' when awake and when we are asleep we are pretty much 'off duty' and can take a break from the Story and Experiences of our Lives. That's a built-in all expenses vacation to wherever our dreams take us each night.

The idea of intending Good and Fair Play toward oneself and others, in a balanced ethical way, can help one find the path toward real inner peace and protection from things and people who no longer fit with our higher calling and interests.

Now that sounds simplistic and we all know 'it's a lot harder than that.' But it's a beginning and things might shift as we work on inner resources of healing and finding safe circles of support (and of course, these need to be vetted well and used with supportive people since many in traditional counseling, medical, or other 'healing modalities' may not actually have thought through all the angles of what one will be facing in the short-term or longer term.)

Healing can happen Without Pressing Charges...and doing so may bring on a host of other problems. Families, friends and others in one's community where the abuse happened or where one lives likely only have so much 'air time' and compassion they can give to a cause.

One family who disclosed abuse, got 'justice' in terms of a teen being put away for 10 years yet still felt they had to move. Their experiences were printed in a local paper, even though they were led to believe that initial reports would not be disclosed (including their identities).

The overall effect of having details printed in the newspaper was to possibly re-offend the victims and cast the family in a difficult light. It didn't help that the people involved were all close friends for many years.

To Prevent that kind of scenario, likely having more adult women who have their own children or who have experience with young children would likely be better choices for childcare than teens or men in general (no offense, fellows but after doing basic research it would make sense to mostly have men watching children in more public programs and settings.

Overall Two Caregivers who are informed and being accountable for monitoring each other is a Given in many Safe Church Policies, many childcare programs and daycares. Ideally more of that could be in place in schools, particularly in special ed classes where some children may have challenging behaviors or not be able to speak up for themselves.

There is no one thing or way to keep everyone safe, yet getting more discussion going would make a Lot of Sense so people do not feel 'they are the only ones', "it maybe was the victims fault--NOT the Case!!'

Just getting through one episode or another can be very traumatizing and yet could be processed with support perhaps with more videos online one could watch safely. Now does something like Than exist? On my livfully.org blog there is a way to talk about naming body parts with a simple number and letter code. Maybe various kinds of interactions could also be coded so 'words do not have to be spoken'.

Sometimes that can trigger someone's emotions, bringing on a type of PTSD or just create another level of angst. Well, clearly 'there's more to consider' and doing so in writing is generally a helpful way to do that.

IF it's really safe to do so, writing down whatever one wants in a journal likely would be a healing step. Counting emotional neglect and abuse is also important to Give Voice to and realize 'what was not fair or hurtful' and how one can develop boundaries and awareness and build those up over time to be more clear about what one is Choosing to Experience in terms of feelings, thoughts, actions, social connections and more.

I have heard of some victims being told by therapist's to deny their abuse to let the family have peace, and more than that not even believing the victims. In custody cases, some of the most difficult and thankfully not too common...though who knows What the numbers Really are, a male father or father figure has abused one or more children (or either gender.)

When disclosed by the kids or the mother, the courts are Designed to allow Fathers to have more support than not to maintain connection if not gain custody. It is not good to have to mention this lest someone see this as a clue to commit a crime..but the point is the whole country Needs to realize How Broken many courts and other systems are in Our Country so Different Plans can be made by Most People in terms of marrying or having children

. Likely waiting until age 25 would help a lot to become a parent, and then keeping supervision as a key part of parenting (not isolating) would help. Being in consistent yet diverse groups could help a family not 'go off on rogue course of crime and secrecy.' Sometimes there might be obvious clues, yet a former Miss Teen  or thereabouts or thereabouts reported suffering years of abuse.

See Erin Merryn (whose Erin's Law is setting a standard for schools in the US to help kids know what sexual abuse is.) In Canada a volunteer group of motorcyclists was doing outreach on this too. But again, always prosecuting which sounds like a 'sure reasonable thing' is not always the answer.

Many rape kits for instance in NY were not even being tested in a timely way and very few ever led to convictions. Women and kids and even men all have to think about Living in More Monitored, Safe Ways..and that's not easy when trying to get things done, go place and create a network.

Safe Kids International and The Safe Child Act (and Barry Goldstein.net) for some ideas along these lines. Unless a family and others will give a child (or even adult victim) full support, too often the victim gets a replay of difficulty and ostracism.

So again there are No Simple Answers and we could all tune into these realities 'everyone knows about but no one talks about' in a meaningful way to promote healing.

Maybe the silence is a way to help some people 'live and get on with their lives', yet again, the idea that some victims are suffering without support and no protection from current abuse or the fall-out socially and otherwise needs review.

Even in a church or other trustworthy setting or social circle (Seemingly so), too many have been violated. Why not make a 'Don't Go to Church Sunday or Synagogue Saturday' to Acknowledge Past Shortcomings on Teachings about Abuse.

Maybe USE that day to Learn together a little at a time what Can Make a Difference, especially for anyone caught in the challenge currently or in another dicey situation

Half-baked serious social connections are not great..Those without a clear agreement about terms of engaging in a dating or even a strong friendship, family or even work or school friend relationship can run into many Gray Areas.

When one Thinks there is honesty and clarity about how situations and such would be handled and there's not, the surprises can seem to come Out of the Blue. Okay, that's all for this post..hope a few are helped by it.. and kudos for Trying to do what you are doing to learn and find a safe, fair sense of relating to Yourself and Others...