Speaking about Domestic Violence Intervention and Prevention Centers in the MA/NY CT area and beyond.. Plus How Schools, Faith and Sport Groups can All Wise Up to the Huge Burden of Abusers to a Town, State and Country like US!

Every school serves as a second home to the Families of students in a town. Not legally but the boundaries are becoming more permeable. Families need the support from town and state groups.

They also need special consideration from Non- profits such as DV (Domestic Violence) centers, arts, camps and other  youth and family service groups such as Scouts, 4H, and clubs, as well as faith groups--which should all be gateway groups for women and children who  need help Men also deserve support likely from their Family of Origin Issues.

Those past if not present relationships  could likely include neglect or  abuse by one or both parents and teachers in times when laying down the law meant  being Demeaning and Tough, The Belt or other Beating, no processing of emotions or discussion of differing needs and wants, etc. It was 'my way or the highway' for most men ruling their homes as kings of their castle, with Police and Laws Stopping at the Property Law until DV Laws were  put on the books over 30years ago. Always slow to implement and sadly doing many loop de loops in Family Court, landing a Female Victim Trying to Protect Her Children in the Role of the Villain.

That happens because Judges and Attorneys get to ReWrite the Scripts of  How the Laws should be applied and Reverse Everything if there is an Abusive Male in the Proceedings in Family Court. In Criminal Court, he might Actually go to Jail or have some orders of restraint or protection to follow, but that is not  as common if there are also Divorce or Custody Matters being heard (Family Court).

If a man is actually abused,controlled, or intimidated with arrest threats or losing their custody or access to kids as So Typically Can Happen to a Mother or Woman Victim, then of course the man deserves support as well. While an erratic mean woman may be abusive, she may have substance issues or personality and mental health issues (or prior abuse issues she is showing evidence of with erratic swings from time to time or more often, especially if new to parenting, having work or other stressors.)

Those may be more symptomatic of being traumatized even though it can look similar to a man's abusiveness. His issues may stem from similar realms however if he is using his power and higher earnings or right to control his household as the male in charge, these are the strands of abuse which are offensive. Hers may be coming from a place of defensiveness and overwhelm. There's really plenty all youth should learn since Life is Tougher as one heads into one's Teen's Years and Young Adult Years and Beyond.

If skills and stamina are lacking, it's hard to catch up (if the rent still needs to be paid which it generally does.)  Wrap around social services should be part of all outreaches, because taking care of practical matters such as housing, childcare or schooling and other programs, joining groups for enrichment thourgh libraries, churches and other faith groups, sports and other interests such as exploring nature and historical societies and even new towns can help one break out of isolation. Being part of the flow can help one go with the flow. 

 Abusive parents,usually a controlling father,actually should have supervised parenting time  (see David Mandels Safe and Together Model which more professionals are getting training in to help women for real and not  just Blame them or Punish them or allow the abuse and loss of their children). We all need to learn more about  interventions to stop a dangerous spiral for abuse, substand abuse, neglect and risk of endangering anyone especially young children, the elderly, and victims of abuse...sounds lke a theme here, but once this is addressed Everyone Will Do Better at Living a Decent Life (after going through withdrawal, getting help and having support during times of transition and even along the good times too). People are social animals or beings..or both, many say including a wise older man and Sri Chinmoy (Worth a Google along with Ashreta Furman, one of his students and a renowned athlete who meditated to help him with much success.

 Sri Chinmoy sided with the calling of chosen celibacy to augment one's spiritual life and not be overburdened by the demands of relationships, and making a living as one's main goal. Most pros and lay people know the jist if this kind of trauma drama but mistmost also feel powerless to do anything meaningful to remedy the power imbalance.Many victims are coached to be complicit by societal and faith norms to forgiceforgive and keep the peace nd one's household intact. Plus the fear if poverty ,moving,change can keep a victomvictim onin place

. Courts are corrupt often t or ignorant and unwilling to change (boy unlike abusers). So once one is aware if the elephant in a family system,one an focus on parenting with plans for support from pregnancy through the early years. Study buddies for kids and a sense of being part of a team in class, in a family and in one's area can help each member of  a family succeed. Including both parents with some overview of what a child is learning, working on and doing for sports etc can help each contribute as is reasonable for Them, not to pressure all parents, but showing up is a helpful pattern. Once a month or even every other can help a child see that they are all part of a community. Looking over school work, taking time to read together, even a few pages once in a while or sharing a movie or other times together with local venues, family and so on can make an area feel like an extension of one's Safe Home..

May that be so. Communication helps too, with echoing back what someone is sharing to make sure details are right and to show one is listening. Whichever programs help with such skills are a plus. Ideally every school would encourage such  outreach even among the PTOs (With Sharon Center School having a lending library for Parents in the Past and likely still does..which was an idea I suggested long ago. In addition, I offered the idea from Kellogg School Days of a picnic for each class, which evolved in Sharon to a welcome back to school picnic usually about 30-50 folks attended. Ideally more outreach for kindergarten and first grade families (and younger) could be done by Recreation Groups to help parents learn the ropes and all the kids feel included. 

Do your homework and see www.stopabusecampaign.org for some powerful ideas..and stay safe best you can hopefull with online help if not calls as needed for services or friends... maybe they Can Help!Don't give up Hope and Think about Life in ten year increments... most things will work out okay.