Waking UP to the Tragedy and Hope in Our Circles for US All, re COVID19 in March 2020
Sadly, recently this young amazing woman Britney Ujlaky with a special talent working with horses and being a friend to many met a tragic end, likely at the hands of someone she knew for years and thought of as 'a big brother.'
She told her Dad that she'd beat him home and was getting a ride with this guy, who was 18 while she was 16. The pictures of her and her friends on her FB in her Nevada rural setting show her ties to friends and horses, two of whom she called her babies and made sure they were rode daily.
She is one who 'got Home' before her devoted Dad and many who had the pleasure of knowing her and supporting her in her interests which included rodeo. Now she is waking up the world when the whole world is facing way more stress and concern with COVID19.
Let's think of her winning spirit spurring US All on to look at the spiritual winning side of life, that cannot be stopped in terms of knowing what integrity and courage to live meaningful lives with more wisdom is all about, from the personal to the familial and social and wider circles.
Let's take safety precautions on all fronts with clear agreements and game plans that include more supervised rides and activities for minors to keep the show on the road...and not be caught off guard, much like Safe Church policies and more attention to social groups and interactions suggest...
This is also the time of year sadly when a biological father in Sheffield, Karpinski, ended the lives of his longterm legal wife and biological children. I clarify the terms to not make them 'terms of endearment' as much as the legal and biological connections which sadly had them 'stuck ducks' as much as any positive input he may have offered.
Facing the unknown and taking time to 'spell out expectations and guidelines' for a person who lives alone, one who is dating or involved with one other...or more than one other, and basics about being in each other's cars, homes, or with friends etc could likely help defer a lot of 'surprises' and really the inner game of what someone's beliefs, feelings, ideas and more could be shared with a 'third neutral party' or considered in light of some basic charts of what is 'more common and normal' vs extreme and concerning.
For instance maybe there are signs someone would share about expecting more involvement with someone or repayment for time, money or favors done for help (even if paid, etc)
The sense of entitlement of someone who is male or older, more skilled or better off financially and more socially connected etc, are all key things that could be discussed more openly so people are not caught off-guard or in a defensive stance whether saying hello and speaking with someone, taking time to get to know someone in a neighborly way or otherwise sharing time and more personal topics...
Things can 'shift gears' for one or both people and often there can be subtle (and not so subtle) clues that again Could Be Put on List. Some of that may include 'not rushing into things too quickly' whether as friend or close friends, people who may want to date or care for children together (which can seem a natural reason to join forces and get into patterns) and more.
Likely it's best to keep things in a more public or group setting (which will be more challenging for the whole country pretty much with this COVID19 set of mandates and precautions.)
Even 'after a break up" precautions are needed since sometimes the 'one last visit' to help things land smoothly or to get belongings etc can be a set up for an abuser to punish if not end the victim's life or sadly their child/ren's. See Kayden's Law in PA for advocacy to prevent that kind of harm. CA Protective Parents Association and other resources on Livfully.org explore these challenging topics which mainstream media doesn't cover..
.But Abuse Counts for Far More Deaths and Injuries than COVID19 has so far (with hardly a whisper in the media of how to Prevent that and how many systems are deficient if not criminal in their functioning...Not Good for the women and children of the country or the world, since it's a worldwide problem..)
Sadly this topic is 'so tricky' most still won't be able to look into it for more than a few minutes and yet it should be in every curriculum as a Priority for youth and women..and all good guys, some of whom do not realize they too have put others and themselves in serious danger and difficulty and taxed important resources and social support for years.
It's a Common Condition and Very Important to Put at the Top Of One's List...to avoid the 'predictable downward spirals and misery..." and that's especially for younger women yet carries on plenty for older women too... Just sayin'...at least the #MeToo movement and millions of women with some men joining in to show support or convey their own forms of abuse as well are starting to 'sound the alarm'.
Likely that's part of how more people are able and willing to join forces to fight the more elusive COVID19 enemy... Many skill sets from victims will be helpful to inform people about how to not give up and to fight the 'invisible ne'er-do-well' in proactive ways even if mainly 'under cover'... feeling there is no guarantee but trusting the odds are in their favor to break free...some day, some way...
Let's saddle up for safety and justice for All Women, Children and Good Guys (and help abusers get help well in advance such as through Safe & Together Institute. Ideally if they cannot really heal they could be coached to 'keep their distance' from others and with supportive sponsors, much like recovering from an addiction... a journey made and won 'one hour and one day' at a time as well as one interaction (by email, text or phone and Not Alone if in person etc) or with a third party relaying messages until their sponsor and others would deem they are 'at that level to be of service to themselves and others...'
And Even then to be supervised by competent people would likely be a safer strategy...May God help us all in these times 'to get real' about what matters and to think about the spiritual side of living and the hereafter..which can help ease some of the intense fear and worry about lack and violence.
Likely more groups like HumanitysTeam.org and Gaia.org (and gaia.com) could be shared in public forums to help ease many people's worries and give people tools to coach themselves and others toward peace.
That said, pot has been found to make some people paranoid..and alcohol even from beer can affect some people in negative ways... as can many drugs, illegal or proscribed. So those basics need to be factored in as well..and basically more sober people 'protected and pro-active' about managing things well without adding to stress or making demands on those with mental health challenges or substance abuse issues.
Every woman in a court proceeding (divorce, custody etc) should be assumed to have been abused and screened accordingly...and that could be done online. She may not realize the danger she and her children are in.. But the Courts and advocates could offer guidance and strategies on how to emotionally heal from radical attachment disorder (which I would guess could be the result of many religious and cultural social traditions, rules, expectations and more...
These things could take weeks and months, years and decades to shed light on for all parties, but the overall idea would be to help each person 'choose anew' with a sense of safety and fair play...
That's a pipe dream but at least it's in the pipeline for more people to think about, in part due to the sense of 'quiet and focus on things that matter' that COVID19 and any other kind of serious matter (cancer, big care needs, meeting basic human needs for food and shelter etc) present. How can we Think Out Loud so more people can feel clear about being Able and Willing to think for themselves with capable, trustworthy guidance. See DuluthModerl.org among other sites that help clarify concerns one may have. A Collaborative Community Response, much like we have for COVID19, for domestic violence (as they promote in Duluth MN) is a good model to follow to see how all parts of a system could and should support safety.
Best to all and I know this is only scratching the surface...Let's think positively about Britney's spirit riding free and being an inspiration for us all. See more on livfully.org where I blog about many topics, including our teen son Kaelan's untimely passing helping save his friends in 2009 too. He's rooting for US All even as are his four grandparents in spirit and many others in his circle... Each person is a teacher to all who know them and can learn from their legacies. Let's make the most of our time here together, day by day.
