NY Governor Andrew Cuomo... Being Asked to Step Down. For reference, consider my post about Pres-elect Joe Biden, Jr...
The major networks are declaring that NY Democratic Senators and Representatives are insisting NY Governor Cuomo resign due to six people, all women, saying he sexually harassed or assaulted them. The year is 2021 and the more recent report of an assault was last year.
That woman came forward after hearing him emphatically publicly assert that he had never touched someone inappropriately (intentionally...) She told someone in a position of authority, relaying that he called her to his office on official business and closed a door in an office. When alone with her, under the guise of asking for help with his cell phone close to him, reached under her shirt. That apparently is something he had done to a former aide who had reported it but no action was taken to investigate or prevent such a situation again.
The big take away for all employees, especially females or anyone feeling there is a chance of being sexually harassed or assaulted it not to be alone with someone in a room or car or at another location that is private or where one could be compromised in understanding boundaries and safety (such as when drinking or working late etc.)
Have extra people 'aides for the aides' and monitors in rooms (cameras and even people who can come in and out freely and check that doors and such are open or have glass panels installed such as with many 'safe church policies.'
The other Big News that Cuomo is being investigated for is how he handled or managed reporting of deaths of citizens in nursing homes or those who died in hospitals that had come from nursing homes. Some say the numbers were 50% lower than they should have been. Letitia James the Attorney General is leading that inquiry.
While Cuomo is still asserting that he did not act or touch any woman inappropriately, but rather 'greeted some as he usually did' with at least one former aide saying he kissed her on the lips. That woman, Lindsay Boylan (and interesting she has the words 'say' as in telling and "boy' in her name I think...) called Cuomo out in a public report about allegations recently. She and other leaders from the government are saying 'Cuomo should go.' (my phrase...)
(I want to add that if people consider what goes around, comes around, if Cuomo were warned about that...for himself or others he cares about the risk of having done to them something similar to what he did even if he can't remember, then he could be grateful that the greater team is keeping him from pretending or not remembering any longer. It can happen that people do stuff they don't recall. But in his case if he 'really doesn't remember' as in takes a lie detector test and passes...well that's a big concern. Maybe he could be put under hypnosis and assured it's okay if he tells the truth..and gets therapy.That he did the same kind of thing twice pretty much rules out that he 'didn't do it or doesn't remember.'
Likely he was fixated on doing that kind of thing since the first time and maybe even before hand. Perhaps it's a kind of 'uncontrollable urge' like some people have for stealing who don't really need or want the thing as much as the experience of being sneaky. Maybe he didn't even mean to intimidate or harass these women as much as try to get them interested in being with him romantically without asking them or trying to woo them with some kind of 'sneak attack to turn them on.'
That's unfortunately portrayed in the media as an approach, but with the role of being Governor or someone's employer or boss, the responsibilities to show respect are paramount. If he were realizing he may slip he should have found a way to get some help Before acting out on urges or ideas, if indeed he did something. Hopefully more men and even women who may have a tendency or thoughts of abusing others, forcing themselves on others, yelling and putting others down and such can consider 'they may have a serious mental and emotional condition' they need help to address. The problem is in themselves yet they are likely prone to project or transfer their feelings onto others and act out on others.
Without a major mental health campaign and education about personal safety and respect, it's a lot to assume all young children on up are getting a thorough training and understanding of their emotions, rights and responsibilities. The laws to punish people at ever younger ages and across the spectrum of society are multiplying and being implemented more widely. Why not save ourselves more trauma, drama and hard karma and find ways to prevent the predictable patterns?
Screening people for abuse and basic living needs is becoming more common with medical appointments and more outreach centers. Often there are gaps in coverage and lack of funds to do what is mandated or recommended. That's where ads and videos to review basics with more people in each country, state and town would make sense. One of the first such videos for families was made by Karen of KarenKisslinger.com called Critter Jitters. Maybe the text could be shared or a more modern version made. That was produced by the Columbia-Greene Rape Crisis Center.
Maybe Coumo is going through this experience for 'another reason for humanity..' to allay the worst fears of other top dogs in our society and around the world. Like finding a cure for cancer..an 'answer to cancer' as one program online talks about. But the cancer in this case is a kind of psycho-social dilemma... and when one thinks about it, what does it feel like to 'touch someone's skin, breast or other body part...'
A doctor does this kind of thing to find a lump in a breast and what the doctor or another person from the outside is sensing is not the same as what the person being touched is feeling physically...and psychologically, there are other ball games going on. If someone is insisting they get to proceed with an idea or assuming it's okay but not getting a clear okay (and a verbal yes is important since many people can't or don't know how or when to say no, and may be afraid or confused or embarrassed to do so...)
With all of that kind of 'activity' happening, one moment to the next or over time, and given any kinds of other factors (if the people know each other, had some kind of grooming or flirting that was not understood as acceptable or mutual etc, was not reported or if it was and not addressed etc, all needs to be factored into our general understanding of what to watch for and how to proceed with caution...)
Not an easy task or endeavor even for families, friends and people trying to just get along, but important to clarify and assure each person of their personal space, boundaries not only of skin and clothing, but equal status as human beings with rights to feeling safe and being treated with respect verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically, socially and so on.
And that can all take a while, as in years and decades in any area, small town, school or college setting, or more populated area to catch on and be 'well understood' by those who can comprehend all of that. Many coaches and monitors (maybe on apps and with more support in each group of 100 people or so in an area or network) could be available for people to consult and review concerns.
With the digital world, many fake case studies (maybe based on things from headlines but no need to pinpoint certain people when trying to learn the dynamics and guidelines. Then again having an awareness of those who are on criminal lists could also be part of being aware in one's area if interacting with them in ways (living near people or working with them etc.) Having an awareness of who has had a restraining order may be reasonable for people in positions of security and monitoring safety in a community or work setting. Again with community coaches and possibly police being more informed about any such matters, more care can be given to protect victims and make sure they are not blamed if there are violations of a restraining order or protective order.
He is asking people to wait until the official report is done and see what grounds that leaves. I am not sure what the pros and cons of that would be. If found guilty, could he do jail time? If he agrees to some kind of plea bargain if found guilty would he maybe avoid that and only have to agree to resigning? If there's not enough clear and convincing evidence might he be able to remain in his current position with more monitors in place?
Might he get a psychiatric evaluataion and be found to have a multi-personality condition such that Andrew 1 doesn't know what Andrew 2 was doing?! I think I wondered that about Joe Biden Jr. I believe the victims in all of these cases and should have started with that along with thanks and support for them as well as wishes for everyone's safety since someone being silenced can happen on many levels.
These cases are about all victims of any gender and due to any form of bullying, harassment, intimidation, assault, neglect and more. Many posts on this blog speak to these concerns and hopefully the fog (fear, obligation and guilt as Susan Forward defined it) can lift as more people understand these matters for themselves and others.
On a certain level, those abusing are shaped by their upbringing from family, community and society, so represent some of all that is going on. Whether they understand their own inner struggle or options is something that needs to be spelled out more clearly. If they really do not know what's going on inside their head, heart and other body parts, then they could likely get some educational videos and learn about human development. The whole realm of abuse, power and control, healing or facing gaps in one's nurturing from childhood on through the teen years and so forth are important for everyone to take time to learn about from more than crime shows and Dr. Phil.
More people could work as teams for maintaining accountability and getting ongoing clarification about options for communicating, addressing concerns, feelings and being aware that they may be wanting to be closer to people than is reasonable given our modern times and understanding of personal physical and social space. Various faiths and teachings ask people to put others above or ahead of themselves but ideally everyone could aspire to have fair, balanced relationships, have good self-care and ways to check in with whatever roles and relationships they are pursuing and seeing if that is working well for all involved.
As difficult as it is to think of many leaders and people who have control or power over others on some level have abused, scared, assaulted if not physically or sexually violated or damaged others, the wake up call is one we cannot afford to miss. More people are being 'held accountable' and the path to getting safe for victims and for perpetrators (even single times or a few times from the past) should be given clear guidance not to re-offend or be in situations where that would be a possibility or more likely (such as alone with certain people etc.)
Stepping down from a job in which others would be vulnerable or otherwise serving in a role where trust and respect is central to the job would be reasonable. Those people could be applauded on some level for taking such a clear path to making amends and not being at risk to offend others. If jail time would have fit the crime, then not working in a certain field is not really such a terrible consequence. With prisons being a breeding ground for more trouble and huge expense to the public, if offender can monitor themselves by staying in appropriate social situations and work settings then that is sufficient.
Everyone who is aware of someone who has been victimized needs to take extra measures to learn how not to 'blame the victim', not believe the victim, pull a reverse or try to find other ways to diminish the truth or cloud the crime by making up a story or otherwise confusing the matter with their own personal views about the victim.
That can happen even in family or social groups where people actually understand 'what's what' and what happened but for reasons to maintain the status quo, protect economic and social structures, prevent difficulties and shame for any part of the family, often victims become a kind of scapegoat or named as collateral damage, muchlike wartime casualties. Many advocates caution victims from disclosing crimes if the families and systems are not clearly educated and in place to support victims to avoid backlash and essentially retraumatizing victims and having things snowball over months, years and even decades.
Many relationships can be severed as though a series of dominoes, and soon a victim may feel like self-harming or using drugs to numb pain or otherwise distract from the myriad of problems. Some victims get coached or feel compelled to disown those who cannot support them, whether family, friends, work or other associates. That may be for a short term with no contact or with limited ways to connect with others serving as go-betweens.
Professional counselors and lawyers, judges and others have been found to dismiss serious claims of abuse of children or their mothers, which have left them in peril, facing sexual or other forms of assault, danger and even death. The Jennifer Dulos case in CT is highlighting the danger of coercive control and the ways the legal system needs to be amended to protect victims and children for years after a custody case is decided. SafeAndTogetherInstitute.com has information, podcasts and webinars to help countries and systems believe victims and protect them with timely interventions and ways to keep children 'safe and together' with the protective parent, generally the mother. Perhaps David Mandel would weigh in on the NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo case.
For now, hopefully NY and the rest of the country is waking up to how important it is to set work and socializing standards for people to have voluntarily to pursue 'best practices for safety' on all levels whether in private homes, in schools and social groups, in work places or public areas as well. Personal distancing for COVID could be kept in mind going forward to help more women and children in particular feel safer about being around anyone who might mistreat them. With verbal and emotional abuse, parameters can be spelled out more clearly as well. Ilene Wolf has HEAL, Healing Emotionally Abused Lives with more information online as well. Healing Wolf Tracks was another of her outreaches I believe.
Let's not miss this opportunity to make the world a safer place, especially for people involved with police officers, pregnant women, people of color, children, pets and more. Men wanting to learn what they can do to help change the climate for caring and protecting one another in their community, with affirmations and ways to address conflicts early on and learn parenting and socializing skills can help de-escalate matters. Other posts review many ideas along those lines for people to voluntarily pursue rather than have to have laws in place to regulate every aspect of people's lives.
Let's aim for peace and harmonly. See what Chris Attwood is raising money to do along those lines on Facebook...and also see Ken Foster's new book Courage to Change and even Sharon Lechter's programs, whether from her former CashFlow and books Rich Dad, Poor Dad and Think and Grow Wealth/for Women and her recent book Exit Rich. Let's do all of that healing and successful, safe living with a sense of team, even if some have to sit out on the bench for a bit.
