The Bridge Is Out! Kids are lost to courts, Abused Moms lose out too...and much more

 

 To the Editor:

 

What suffering when a bridge is out.  Everyone understands there is no easy way to cross it. Even when someone is told a bridge it out unexpectedly, as is recounted in The Wisdom of the Enneagram (about nine personality types) by Hudson and Riso, an obstinate driver may forego the warning and plunge to his end (along with his passengers). How can we advocate for personal and society safety on all levels?

 

What does it take to heed an urgent warning about dAnger whether about a road, a person who is not safe or a system than does not use best practices to prevent harm and rescue those endangered? 

 

In a necessary way, police relations in society  are being examined, alongside practices for addressing abuse (including sexual assault) on college or school campuses, in the public or in the home or personal and family arena.

 

Leaders and citizens along with advocates could be ready to learn whether they are "honest, open and willing' to acknowledge what has happened and what could be done to make things better in the culture and the courts. 

 

These improvements can take decades of advocacy such as the vote for women, civil rights, environmental protection and DV such as on domesticabuseviolenceandchildcustody.com efforts through Civic Research Institute, many books and online resources explore.

 

Many of the same patterns of handling conflict or violence play out whether in a small numbers of people-- a bully/victim, a gang/ victims, an abuser/ victim and her family or children. Two key gaps which need repair are the difference between parents who are not in custody court and those who are. Then for those in custody or divorce proceedings, there are those who are amicable or reasonably fair and those who are abusive. The extremely controlling abuser will harm the primary care relationship (typically the mother-child/ren ties) and too often the court will reward that tactic.

 

Another gap is between those who are married  (and/or living together) and those who are not. More guidelines and discussion online at least for all to check 'before entering a relationship and each year if not more often and before having children' could inform both parties (or all as may be the case) of the parameters, both socially and legally that are covered by the law (of their state or country) and those that are a gray area and 'without protection or guidance'.

 

No one warns young adults that parenting is no longer 'up to the parents', or that students or citizens have all of their civil rights during a conflict or even in public places in their town. Everything is up for 'screening and discussion' including volunteering, attending events, use of language, gestures as well as actions. 

 

Other grounds for arrest or contempt or proceedings in court are failing to comply' and even allegations of wrongdoing. While most men and women aim for playing by the rules, a small percentage 'does not comply or play fairly'. Courts are designed to allow if not breed antagonism.

 

That trend is doubly truly when entering a custody arrangement, which could be amicable, or a custody dispute which can re-route a parent's relationship with his or her children for years, and may include not seeing them much at all. If there is abuse, that may be the best chance at safeguarding a victim and her children.

 

Much more is shared about research and options for all states to adopt on barrygoldstein.net and in his book The Qunicy Solution which explores the millions that could be saved by streamlining court policies in every state to safeguard victims. The 11th BMCC (Batttered Mothers Custody Conference) will be held in mid-May in NJ which will include insights into the international efforts as well. Taking time to learn about such efforts can save people much despair and confusion whether a victim or advocate. 

 

Ideally even more interventions such as on The Duluth Model or Safe and Together Model can be done to assist some bad apples with their attitude, saving all involved much time, money and harm if not loss and prison time. 

 

Thanks for lending a hand while still on land and doing what you can for self-care and overall well-being in your community, on the roads and in the courts if need be.