Looking back over the last few decades (yes 30 Years)--It Went By In Unexpected but Remarkable Ways..

Looking over the memories on FB is helpful... and on the date 29 years after being married (Feb 13th) and having four kids (plus 5 miscarriages who I named and do count in as spiritual helpers for our crew and hopefully we served some purpose for them as well)...a whole new field of inquiry could allow more healing on one of those common but not much discussed areas..I will reflect more on the theories I've heard on livfully.org and how some things played out for me.

One point was that after three miscarriage after our first lovely healthy child, I was worried I couldn't have any more... yet three more fine and dandy full-term kids came our way, with a miscarriage between them and one after. While I got to hear the heartbeat of that little one, earlier than usual with an internal device, that was not to be. When my only son Kaelan said he wished he had brothers, I assured him he likely did have some in heaven. I realize now, 7 years after he's been in heaven himself after his 16 years on earth, that he knows a lot more than I do about them and likely us as well.

I wrote more on Remembering Kaelan and other pieces about his heroic yet challenging passing trying to save a friend who was thankfully saved moments later. Along with two others Kaelan did pull from the Housatonic River in CT, I count them in my vast crew of kids near and dear to my heart....such is the way tribal connections are forged. What could have been a divisive turn of events I hope to promote as a group learning experience not only for those directly involved but for all segments of society...to offer more care and responsibility as part of the PLANS we make with each others (that's People Living, Learning and Loving with Agreements and Networking through Sharing,Schools and Society).

Back in 2000 or so when I had my last miscarriage, I had actually read and article in the Hartford Courant about potential risk of using such  (transvaginal ultrasound) devices, and had mentioned that to my doctor before the procedure...but was too mousy or rushed to say "I'd rather not and Refuse to have that done until I do more research..."

I had not even known the gender of our first born since I was leery of ultrasounds. I did have some for the other kids since I'd had the few miscarriages.

If I had done a blog then, every other article would have been about relationships, parenting, pregnancy, birthing, miscarriages (including that some do not happen on their own and the procedure is called 'a missed abortion' to have the remains removed surgically with a D &C or D&E if over 12 weeks I think.

There really should be another name for the procedure since it is hard enough to let go of a pregnancy one is carrying without having the term 'abortion' attached to it.

A person can blame one's body or self (and sadly so can others even with no factors such as drug use or smoking etc, but just to be mean, or say 'you deserve that' or 'you can't afford to have more kids' or you should adopt kids out and plenty of parents can find themselves feeling all of those dire voices echoing about not only due to low income or a lack of skill or experience with kids', even in a wealthy country.

Some say the mix of low income people living near those with more wealth is what causes the conflict and violence. Many people in poor countries can take on an attitude of gratitude for life itself and those in their community and closer social groups.

With the pressures in our culture, and the need or practice of independent living (half of all households I believe are single occupancy, or it's a high percentage). "Doubling up" (as in an adult living with a family or friend and not paying rent or even if paying is considered a form of homelessness. Our country's values seems to pit one person against another with norms that really aren't normal, healthy or practical, especially in the country.

But we are kept too busy and disconnected to think of practical options. Likely for each stage of life, new forms of interaction and living situations could make sense. Younger families have different needs than those with older kids, yet likely many people could explore co-housing or living near each other for transportation and care needs. I met a professor at Columbia Univ who said her students were exploring such housing designs, whether in one building or neighboring units I'm not sure.

The concept likely could catch on with more people. Many at college realize the social perks and many people live near the place they grew up or near their colleges. I think UCONN has about 25% of students remaining in CT I heard. Our state is small so that would fit the 2-hr radius also, likely many living in state beforehand as well.