Sharing At the Start of June 16th, 2019, Ten Years After Our CT Teen Son Kaelan Palmer Paton's Heroic Exit

I have explored a lot about our son Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton's earthly life and early exit from this world in CT at the Housatonic River falls in the northwest corner, very near NY and MA, an area that is a bit of a rural friendly set of communities special to be part of over my lifetime and raise kids in. There are private schools with people from all over the world attending in greater numbers.

There are colleges a half hour to an hour in many directions. There is a pace of living that unfolds over the years and decades as though in a play that never ends. But sometimes 'bad things happen' even in this otherwise lovely place.

The events of June 16th are covered online with news footage and also with a youtube of Kaelan Paton's Memorial Service. It may be fitting to skim through the ten minute segments to get a sense of the hundreds showing up to pay respects and celebrate his 16 years of life held about a month after he passed at his grade school, Sharon Center. As of March 18th, 2019, when Caroline Paton passed, all four of Kaelan's grandparents have crossed over to the other side.

His grandfather Sandy passed 40 days after Kaelan on July 26th, 2009 after a long decline in health. Kaelan's service turned out in many ways to be a special kind of final gathering for Sandy, and in many ways we could appreciate any service for one who has died as one that we may consider a meaningful time to gather for ourselves and others as well. We won't be mortally present at our own service and it would be nice to share more of the love and kindness that often is expressed at such events with the people we see in our lives everyday or who we can make an effort be keep in touch with as family, friends, neighbors and more.

That's especially true if someone becomes hurt or ill and may need transitional help for staying in their home or local area initially for care support whether with friends or in a nursing home. I will add that many people who are fall risks (a serious matter we don't discuss enough in the daily news) would likely benefit from people being able to care for them on a mattress on the floor with fit care providers who can kneel and assist someone on that level. Unfortunately the nursing homes basically 'care for people at bed level' and some beds can be lowered but still not low enough. While mats may be put on the floor those can also be firm and not in place all the time, so why risk a broken hip or head injury to that? Thanks for bearing with me on that note and I will explore those points in another post...

A few memorial trees have grown tall there and at his high school, Housatonic Vally Regional High School that serves the towns of Falls Village, North Canaan and Cornwall, Salisbury, Sharon and Kent. I had written a song with the towns listed like that as part of the chorus when Kaelan was about 7. I had his Boy Scout Troop join in doing a song and playful contra dance to a song I'd written about Sharon CT, feeling very fortunate to have all of our children benefit from the many offerings there and in the other towns with friends in neighboring Dutchess County NY and Berkshire County MA and much of Litchfield County CT as well.

The family roots included my parents Mary who hailed from Torrington CT, one of seven as well as my Dad Dale from the Farmington NM area who was one of over a dozen. They had met during WW2 on Hampton Beach and settled eventually in the northwest corner after a decade or so out West. David, Kaelan's father, initially grew up in VT but his parents Sandy  (Charles Alexander) and Caroline decided to establish Folk-Legacy Records and rear their two sons in Sharon CT.Caroline had grown up in the Mid-West and Sandy travelled a lot in his youth.

They met in CA. I like to appreciate the many positive connections that enabled me and David to meet and marry after I graduated from Vassar College and hoped to settle down in my hometown area having also lived in New Haven and southern CT. A nice thing about CT is it's small enough to visit the family over the years, so Kaelan got to know many of his dozens of cousins locally and other family on my mother's side.

Then there were plenty of friends through schooling, folk festivals, sports and boating and snowboarding and nature center connections. For a little more than a decade and half, Kaelan packed in a lot of living. I hope to explore more of those aspects of his life in future efforts. 

 I came across a youtube video about Ann Whitley and her husband (I will put the link in soon or the comments) last night by chance, and enjoyed hearing the first half hour or so before falling asleep...and having some interesting dreams.

One was about a very tall person who could easily climb stairs that were difficult for me to climb. I was trying to help a young child get up them safely but they were steep and vertical. 

Even though the little one was heavy and young, she was able to say "I can go up like Daddy taught me' and she put special shoes on to climb up with a magnetic connection (like suction cups) up the wall. She could do it easily and became invisible when doing so however, so I mainly saw the cup going up the wall.

 But before she got through the door at the top, she came back down to let me know she could handle that kind of climb and transition. Now that I am recounting that dream, I feel it is a metaphor for near death experiences or even dying (going through the door although that was basically their home setting so maybe there's that analogy that we will all Return Home someday.

 That was only part of the dream. Another involved  spending some time with the mother and that same child near a huge drama-type stage setting outdoors, so the people in a certain development would always have  a pleasant view at the end of their lane that led to a nice large swimming pool in an open, grassy setting. ) I don't know if the set were covering a factory in view or just providing extra privacy but it effectively seemed to 'touch the sky' and the top part was of clouds and sky so again the transition was quite natural. 

I have spent the last few days in Brooklyn meeting a dozen people with very young infants, who are expecting, and of course many with young children, especially at a couple of birthday parties in a park (50 people is not unusual, but mostly adults and kids all attending a child's birthday party.) Some of the kids were special arrivals to this planet as in vitro (one whose  donor father was on life support and who had been planning to have a child with his wife, so the request was granted to have a specimen obtained.)

 The others were preemie twins who needed much care, while there was a third that hadn't developed properly early one so was in a sense making those twins two of triplets... enough that the mother shared that part of the story when I mentioned I knew someone who had triplets recently.

 Those had occurred by one of the initial twins dividing to make identical twins, something I had not quite heard of and realize I would like to learn a lot more to be more tuned into the miracle of the conception possibilities. I believe I heard eventually there may be a way developed to clone people (and animals etc) from skin cells...so likely a lot more thought should go into the ethics and implications of all these 'amazing possibilities.'

There are many factors going into a woman or man wanting to have a child, much of which can happen for someone with their own DNA or donor eggs and/or sperm, that could likely be spelled out and 
coded to help people consider all factors (the basics required or common procedures and various effects and even world views or metaphysical intentions and understandings, other people's basic experiences and more.) 

There can be a helpful side to hearing information and understanding that which most of life 'there are no guarantees' things will go as planned, as progressing in a certain way and more. Same with relationships particularly with another biological or legal or other significant parent figure. There are a growing list of legal expectations and plenty of social ones. How these things play out realistically for various countries, states, towns, schools, faith groups and more should be more widely discussed.

 Resources and wisdom could be shared more readily to benefit anyone braving making plans to care for young people and their families in various ways so more people benefit. Traditions likely should go through a modern day 'due consideration and set of recommendations' for people to be more conscious of what their options are whether for being in a social or more serious friendship, trusting interaction (in each others' home, spending time together, riding in cars and going places and so forth, talking about any topics that could be serious or triggering for a person of anything from their past or concerning issues (and that can vary widely.)

 The awareness that each person is running everything through their own set of filters (influenced by their past, their beliefs and current life) is important. People who are under a lot of stress or overall feeling they are not supported financially, socially or with other help may not be able to focus on 'new ideas' or understand much of what is said if it is not pertinent to their current set of concerns.

Finding a good match of who to share various issues or projects with is an important part of any task. That can be challenging in small groups or towns, yet with growing awareness about online help (including screen sharing to learn with someone showing one on the screen of one's computer...a trick I have benefited from but don't really know how to do yet, so another reason for some coaching.

Some people over 50 still don't get on a computers. and others are quite adept. I'd like to brave a few more basics so will make a plan to do that by summer's end, hopefully sooner.)

Okay so there is a lot to consider reassessing so more people can consciously play along with life's experiences in a fair-minded way. The overall idea of making agreements and following through with them and not needing magical saves or lifesaving maneuvers (that may even cost another Their Life whether as an official rescue person who generally is trained not to lose their life to save another since that would take them out of the arena of being able to save future lives.) As difficult as making a 'life and death' decision would be for anyone trying to save someone they care about or see in danger (but may not really know it they could save them) is, practicing some kind of 'emergency emotional and thinking responses' would make sense, whether small scale or much larger. Staying safe physically as is not going into a fire or dangerous water, not going up high or into a deep or dark space (such as a cave even as an adventure) without proper training and back up (halters and ropes, life vests and again professional assessments should be the basic standard. That would help someone understand when something is a "No-Go' that has been thought through by the community on many levels. 

Unfortunately our teen son Kaelan Palmer Paton died helping his friends a couple of hours after his last day of his freshman year of high school on June 16th, 2009. There are many details I have considered in posts on livfully.org and on FB over the past decade. Considering 'should he have gone in' seemed pointless but also too sacred to ponder. I had taught my kids to be caring about others, and I basically did espouse the ideal to put others before oneself. However given the danger level that whitewater can present, with the hidden or strong currents, I had cautioned him that is was a 'water rescue' level activity and that special training and having good judgement was critical and one's best plan of action if considering swimming or boating in general and especially in rocky rivers or beaches, He had agreed it would make sense to take an official course, but hadn't gotten to that. The idea of his father having boated for many decades made it seem he would get the proper coaching. Overall it seemed he was being encouraged about what he could do and not so much about what he really would not be reasonable to try.

 Likely there are many in dangerous activities who find the 'fear or lack of skill' is not being factored into one's endeavors as clearly as would make sense. That is where a more comprehensive widespread outreach about safety for many sports, hobbies and endeavors would make sense. Some people 'go hiking by themselves, extensively for days or months.' Women going alone seems an especially risky proposition. But even men doing so, especially young men may benefit from hearing they would be wise to be more accountable for what they are planning, doing and with what kind of time frame to check in somehow with coordinates please. Larger groups are not necessarily safer so even Scouting or other adventurous programs should keep 'common sense' in mind (some get a severe reaction to any kind of polar plunge or some may be more at risk for falls on edges of trail so again better preparation over time and proper adults supervision and equipment would make sense if it really is reasonable. Some people have mental disorders or panic attacks and such as well as allergies to bees that can be rather serious, so plan for those too. 

The overall points would be to trust that much is possible, but not count on angels making a save if you go sporadically or otherwise into a dangerous situation, sadly which is what our group of teens did back in June 2009, ten years ago today. I am hoping to hear more eventually about who was there (in terms of numbers if not names) and what their parents or others knew about the plans and particular idea to be in the dangerous spot, although with a fast flowing river that had swollen from many rains there really wasn't a safe place to go in. 

Then finding out more about what happened  and  why (whether impressing others, challenging themselves, not thinking about things much, being motivated to do something risky since other things in their life were stressful or worrisome (such as any family legal issues such as divorce or custody concerns in a family or friend's life or other personal matters), any use of drugs (which there did not seem to be that day but likely for others is a big risk factors with water or driving injuries or fatalities.) 

Again there likely could be a coding system made to help people 'run through the list' and help identify 'what came before the immediate event and in the past few days and weeks prior' and so on so more people could make other plans to avoid those factors. I have heard that some or all of our lives are pre-planned and maybe approved of for the most part by our spiritual guides and self for our spiritual growth and evolution on many levels.. maybe increasing our conscious understanding of many things that otherwise remain illusive or not significant.

There may be a kind of balancing of karma and of course many more theories coming to light about our greater sense of connection with those who have crossed over and with other guides. There is definitely a bigger picture more people are 'waking up and tuning into' yet it can be trying because we still need to 'eat, drink and make a way in the world.' So those real world pressures keep us in a certain zone. I will wrap this up for now and appreciate being able to share with many in hopes that each can 'take it from here' and journal on their own or comment here or on livfully.org. Also a lot of activism could be born out of these ideas and make everyone's  life more meaningful and safe. Best to all.