Tough Decisions when it comes to 'Final Gift Giving..." Would One Want to Donate One's Organs, Have a Peaceful few Day Vigil with or without the donations first? What Kind of Burial? Tough Questions but Important for US All to put at the Top of the List.

After reading that there are a million acres of land in the US for cemetaries..and that those are laden with metal, plastic, wood and more modern embalming fluids and mercuy in people's fillings as well as stones from the earth, I agree it's time to 'think Twice', especially since the Population has doubled since I was born just over 50 years ago (if I recall that stat.)

There are 300 million people in the US now (about 2020--and 8 billion on the planet heart), with the number only going up (and more people dying now since the baby boomers are seniors over 50 or 60. Men in particular tend not to live as long as women, but in terms of their life energy which is generally more physical, they could feel they lived 'as much in a shorter period of time..."

This post was in response to considering important ideas about life and dying as well as death and burial and beyond (care for family, remembrances and so on) with others in the End of Life Doula circle.  We explore what options there are in these modern times to consider green burials (being wrapped in a shroud and placed a few feet down in the ground to decompose naturally without chemicals.) That could be done within 24 hours as many traditional Jewish practices follow, or if the body is preserved with dry ice or in a refrigerated area for a few days (if not outdoors in the very cold in a simple hut  possibly.)

These are not the most warm cozy holiday thoughts so feel free to bypass for now and proceed with a friend or an EOLD at a time that works for you.

On www.doulagivers.org there are free programs and some for a fee if interested in training in that capacity. No licensing or regulation is done at this time, so one does not need any particular training but likely as a consultant insurance would be a good idea. Speak with business and legal folks to cover your bases, as I am doing through having trained with www.doulagivers.org.

They sometimes have sales or special payment plans, so inquire about all options if that is a factor. It's getting so one may not be able to 'afford to die' and even train up to help others do so. Yet www.doulagivers.org is trying to make a way for everyone to have support during such decision making and transitions, and helping people so that's a lot of silver linings on this challenging topic.

This is a rather honest, difficult topic so read as you feel is appropriate, maybe with some personal space and not when around small children you need to care for or in the midst of a busy day, etc. Okay peace and warm healin thoughts to all who have journeyed through this challenging path of bidding  farewell to a loved one or other person in their circle or as it happened (accidents, in their line of work, even touched by a situation one learns of.)

Together (even one's inner adult and inner parent and child working together with the greater love and healing forces from all realms) we can journey on with more skill and grace to help others and ourselves with our present and future courses.

I do wish I could have had a supportive group of people help me process how to bury our son after he died at age 16 trying to save a friend from a river.Kaelan was held in the Housatonic River in my hometown of Falls Village Ct right by the Falls for a week.

That really was his 'burial place' and mostly I was grateful for him to be 'safe from having embalming or burning' before three full days passed. 

We had campfires in our yard about a mile from where he was likely underwater on the 2nd and 3rd nights.

Some of his friends and ours came..the news people came by and I shared briefly with them what had transpired. I encouraged people to live well and close to their kids.

Some thought I was not normal for being able to share that kind of thought at that time. Many comments on FB etc ( and I only learned of FB due to his passing a few weeks or so after 6/16/09 when Kaelan 'went home'.) In the end, I decided to allow him to be cremated at a good friend's suggestion it's what he would have wanted if it'd been someone even closer to him..and he knew our son.

Many volunteers helped search the river the first few days and were timely with a recovery mission when Kaelan's body surfaced and went 7 miles down river to the Covered Bridge in West Cornwall. Ct. I have a song I wrote about that to keep track and convey the turn of events. I heard from a psychic that Kaelan in spirit had told her he'd be found that day (and had woken her up at 3am to let her know he didn't want his parents, me or his dad that is, to see his body which was intact but had been swollen by the water.)

There are photos and I could get a more complete report from the health commissioner which I planned to do but did not get to doing yet.

His official death date is the same as Michael Jackson's, since Michael Jackson died June 23, 2009, and Kaelan was found that morning, spotted by a trainman that was going along the Housatonic River at 7:30am. Kaelan had told the psychic earlier (maybe that same 3am time but I'll check..) that Michael Jackson would be coming over soon.

There is a memorial FB page as well, Kaelan Alexander Palmer Paton (which any of you are welcome to join and his memorial service is on youtube in short segments with some photos, songs by friends and such like a mini folk concert and picnic that was month afterward.)

I would like to join with other people and form meaningful outreaches and a website to  help with such topics and actual situations to support people along their journey and remember loved ones as may be appreciated and appropriate.

The range of beliefs, faiths, cultural and social practices makes it all the more important to find ways to address concerns and needs in timely, appropriate ways. Likely a calendar for learning and testing out ideas and making actual plans over the course of months and even years would be reasonable. Even something like people with last names starting with A-L doing more work on this from Jan-June, and  in odd number years and people with names starting with M-Z doing more work on this July through December and in even years. Of course monthly  checks could be done but perhaps more workshops and online events could happen accordinglyl (or pace it so the first A-L group is working on topics bi-monthly starting in Jan and M-Z doing so from Feb onward. Of course, everyone may want in on Both sessions and that could be allowed too (to either catch up or review or network as may work locally,regional, statewide, nationally and so on. Even international networks are forming to help normalize and humanize these issues. 

The post on ways people die related to various body parts and functions is one that may be helpful to use in creating more networks.

Going through the 'basic questions and concerns, phases and so on' for the person who is dying as well as those in their family and caring for them would be helpful as well...12 steps of care, for instance. Suzanne O'Brien is being recognized for bringing these 'challenging topics' into more public and practical forums. A key option is planning to care for a loved one at home with hospice support or in a facility but providing more bedside care. The ongoing support for family and friends is another aspect of care that could be clarified for more people to reference and have support to realize in meaningful, helpful ways. I thought back to the time of close family losses and felt we need a "1-800-JUST-DIED" number (the D may not be needed, but actually some say the 1 is not being used as much in many states, so best to keep it in place. For info before someone dies, it could be "1-800-NEED-HELP" which is what 211 in every state (or 311 in NYC) is all about (with links to a crisis line, etc.) I envisioned that before it came to fruition so am very glad to know it's up and running.

Of course there is a great deal online at www.211.org or www.311.org

Keeping an open mind about the nature of our being and what we do have some input into (whether for this or future lives, relationships and more.) Check out Edgar Cayce, Rudolf Steiner, Steven Greer, Linda Moulton Howe, and Marc Anthony, Patti Sinclair, Bill Phillips, and others with 'second sight' as mediums and so on. Most allow that any religion is okay and helpful..done in the spirit of love. I realize it's more likely people will 'keep fighting without all the facts' rather than work in faith, but it's worth reminding US All of the options. These were some of the ideals near and dear to Kaelan's heart.